too busy drinking to come to the phone

oh, hello, you. 

sorry, i've been a bit Mathangi Arulpragasm for the past week. I was a bit busy drinking and cavorting with various friends and plaid-shirted, tattooed boys. What the hell was I even doing all week? 

*Discovered dark new watering holes within walking distance of my front door (joy of joys!).

*Saw Gang Gang Dance give a shiver-me-timbers rad-ass performance at the Empty Bottle, ie my newfound home, thanks to the glorious 80/20 plaid-shirted, scruffy-haired and bearded male to female ratio, gohhhhhhh.

*Rang in a new president, a new future, YES WE CAN CHANGE, among a waterfall of free tequila shots in a dark biker bar

*had my favorite Beatles song played for me on a Logan Square jukebox (it's "Honeypie," in case anyone out there wants to make me very giddy in bar someday)

*had an unbelievably intimidating goth chick clad in nothing but scary cat's eye contacts, a bra, underwear, fishnets, and those freakydeaky 8-inch thick industrial boots rub up against me in a goth club at 3 am -- an experience that quickly turned from entertaining to violating as she gave me creepy vampire eyes and sashayed her way over to me, arms all a-waving, eye contact unwavering, rubbing her naked sweaty body against my drunk one. I think she mis-judged my inebriated inability to properly focus as making eye contact with her. "Kirsten..." I pawed at my drunker, otherwise occupied friend after a few minutes of dance-floor molestation. "KIRSTEN. KIRSTEN. YOU. NEED. TO. HELP. ME. NOW. FORREALS. NOW." She hopped to just in time, pulling me away just as I had a fishnetted bum backing up into my crotch, arms still all a-waving like Jim Carrey in the restaurant scene in Dumb & Dumber as he waddles up to the pizissssed Asian chef.

(zexxy photo from mauro, via syntheticpubes)

*various other things keeping me from serenading you, dear loyal readers. A wholehearted "my bad," with promises for a better blogging week ahead, with stories from my new job(s) (FINAFUCKINGLY) to come.