HAY EVERYBODY!kirsten & kira here, live-blogging from a howard johnson in the fair cosmopolitan metropolis of Grand Island, KNEE-BRASKA. we had to reserve this room from the internet, located on the world's oldest still-functioning computer (INTERNET EXPLORER 3 FAIL) located in the "business room" of the hotel, adjacent to reception, since it was "$9 cheaper online." Nevermind you the receptionist was sitting AT a computer. HOTEL FAIL.
HOTEL FAIL STORY NOT OVER. While we are waiting for the room reservation confirmation number to move the 5 feet from the internet explorer in the business room to the receptionist's internet (took 10 minutes), we were accosted by an overly-capped tooth self-described "dirtiest old man, she can tell ye," followed by a knowing nod towards the receptionist. He was carrying a plastic bottle of "UV Raspberry Vodka" in a small paper bag, and his teeth were already stained light blue.
"Why are you moving to California? Got a boyfriend there?"
"No," (through gritted teeth).
"Hell! Why would you move without doing it for a boyfriend?"
"UH....Why would I need a boyfriend to move?"
"That's all they women I know! The only women who move are those who do it to be closer to their boyfriends."
Kirsten goes "NEWSFLASH WALTER KRONKITE." and I got all Germaine Greer on his ass, like "Women do not need a boyfriend for an excuse to move, or to you know, do things with their own lives."
"Oh. So you're just, movin' on over there to like, live your life?" accompanied by an effeminate wave of the hands.
"Yah."
"Need a boyfriend? I mean I'll volunteer!" He then leans in to breathe in an overly loud and alcoholic whisper, "it's her (receptionist's) birthday on Friday. I gave her her present early. Look at her neck."
The receptionist then lifts her collar to show the massive hickey she had received from him, proud to be a 25-year old Howard Johnson receptionist with such a perverted winner of 50-year old "dirty old man salesman."
TUESDAY'S ROAD TRIP ROUNDUP OF BEST CITY NAMES ALONG THE WAY TO LA:
What Cheer, Iowa
Montezuma, Iowa
Friend, Nebraska
6 comments:
that...is sick
shucks, y'all should've driven through paradise, PA. then again, i heard intercourse, PA is a mighty fine place, as well. (i'm not making these up).
more fail! please!
more road trip blogging! no engine fail or serious fail please. i think it's funny you guys corrected this man; i would've been like 'ooh, ok.'
i mean, 'ooh, ok' to the first part about women, not the question about needing a volunteer boyfriend. just wanted to clarify.
Creepy old men should be slapped hard and repetedly until they learn to leave young girls alone.
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