advise me

Sam Pink gives good advice:

Whenever you get a haircut, and someone says, "oh hey, you got a haircut" you should affect a somewhat confused look, then slowly reach your hands up to your head and feel around, and then say "oh my god, how did this happen?" and then become increasingly more terrified and start screaming and keep yelling "oh my god, fuck, how did this happen, it must've happened while i was sleeping oh god oh god oh god." That will likely keep them from stating things that are obvious.

{Ed: That makes me think of my dad, because whenever he gets a haircut, I am always forever and ever the only one that notices. He has about three hairs that he crosses over his scalp in a very unique comb-over way, plus some hair on the sides, but I always notice when he gets his hairs cut because the comb-over looks sleeker, neater, more suave. He always really appreciates when I notice that he gets a haircut, so I will not be taking Sam Pink's advice here. Sorry Sam Pink.}

The next time you are about to ejaculate into someone, put your fingers in your ears and close your eyes and say, "Three, two, one..." The other person might not laugh, but at least then you know where things stand.

~

The list includes equally useful bits of advice by other entertaining blawger/writers, including one of my favorite items by the inimitable ryan manning:

If we are chatting on AOL instant messenger and you are not typing in size 10 Arial font it will affect our relationship in a negative way.

Personally I prefer Georgia size 11.